SOME LESSONS

A young executive was  leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a  piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a  very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you  make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said

the CEO as his  paper disappeared  inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson I - Never, never  assume that your BOSS knows everything.

A crusty old man walks into a bank  and says to the teller at the window:

"I want to open a damn checking  account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you  say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir,  but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."

Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to  tell him about her problem customer. They both return and the manager asks the  old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the  elderly man says. "I  just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a  damn checking  account in this damn bank!"  

"I see," says the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying  that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"

Lesson II - If you are RICH,  you can get away with almost anything.

An American  and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?" Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't

understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was  confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of  -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!,  etc......???" The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese."

A while later the  Japanese turned to the American and asked "What kind of 'key' was he. The American,  frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a

Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

Lesson III - Never insult  anyone.

A junior  manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way

to meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder

lamp. They rub the lamp and  a ghost appears. The ghost says,

"Normally, one is granted three  wishes but as you are three, I

will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior  manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a  fast boat and have no worries.

Pfufffff, and he was gone. Now the junior  manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with  beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"  

Lesson V - "Always allow  the bosses to speak first"